Neurodiverse Social Network

I have a 13 year old brother. He, like every other brother on this planet, will go out of his way just to annoy me or will steal my food. But unlike every other brother, he has autism. Agam is only 3 years younger than me, so I don’t really remember life without him being around.

At first I didn’t understand why mom and dad were spending so much extra time so Agam could speak his first words. As  a seven year old, I didn’t know what to say to friends who asked me why Agam kept to himself and didn’t have any friends as such. And this wasn’t because I was embarrassed, but I just didn’t know the answer myself. When I would ask about it I got the standard “your brother is a bit different but no need to go and tell everybody that ok?”

Then when he joined my school, I didn’t understand why he wasn’t able to cope with even Montessori level. My school just wasn’t right for him, he needed a place where he could get attention and could feel accepted. We navigated countless therapies, school changes, and social challenges, often feeling overwhelmed and alone.

But through it all, I’ve learned invaluable lessons. I’ve learned the power of empathy, the importance of patience, and the beauty of diversity. I’ve witnessed firsthand the resilience of the human spirit in my brother.

Over the years my family realised that if we are hush hush about it- no one will ever accept Agam because we don’t accept him either. It was a steep learning curve for our entire family. As I grew older, I learned to accept him the way he is. He is a rather clever kid with an exceptional memory of dates of various events in his life. He could tell me the exact day and date we bought a new TV or a new car. 

Being Agam’s sister has pushed me to be more empathetic and more understanding. It’s made me question our current education system and understand the flaws in it when it comes to children with special needs. And so I started a yt channel. It has also taught me to not just see the diagnosis when I meet a kid with autism. I see the person behind it, see the unique strengths, the hidden talents, the kind heart.

It would be a lie if I said siblings of individuals with autism don’t need any support at all.. In fact I believe that oftentimes, because the siblings are young themselves- they don’t fully grasp the situation. They often feel like the other child is more “favoured”. They are expected to act like the bigger person at a young age which can really impact the child. I am saying this out of personal experience, because I too have felt this way

One of my biggest takeaways is that Agam may have ASD, but he is still a person and I think that’s the most important thing to remember. We tend to look at the condition and not the person. He is not just a 13yr old who has autism, he is a teenager that has an odd liking of 70s and 80s Hindi music, loves eating dumplings and baos, and is a huge Harry Potter Fan.

While I’m grateful for the time we’ve spent together, I know that distance will inevitably become a factor in our relationship as school gets busier and the distance that will come when I move onto college. I’ll cherish the memories we’ve made and the bond we share. I hope that as I navigate the challenges of adulthood and distance, I can continue to be a source of support and love for Agam.